Broken Mind

Sometimes I wonder what the people on Tumblr are like in real life. Or even people I pass by on the street. I imagine myself being their friend, talking to them, hanging out with them and I’m always lead to a conclusion about that person and about meeting people.

I feel like it’s hard to make friends. I have distinct interests. I have a distinct way of talking to people. And people who seem “friendly” are friendly toward others like them, not toward everyone. This is most visible to me with my old friends and people i contact on facebook.

Why is that? My best friend, a guy I grew up with, used to spend hours hanging out with every day completely disappeared from my life. He’s the “friendliest” person I know out there yet we have nothing in common anymore. I try to talk to him but within a couple minutes he loses interest and so do I.

I’ve tried talking to other people as well and found that one of the only reasons I have some of the friends I do is because we connect on work. That’s it. We have no other shared interests. I wouldn’t have these people in my life if I didn’t work.

This thinking goes on and on. 

Idk. It’s just interesting. 

Shit, life loses meaning and focus,
there used to be so much on my mind,
but now it’s all gone, just a haze of ideas.

Haze of ideas, haze of dreams,
unclear images of things wished.
What world am I in?
Haze of ideas, haze of reality.

evenings tolerated, days tiring,
A million outlets, I don’t fit one, or any.
even those disappear, and I can’t even wedge myself.

Haze of ideas, haze of dreams,
unclear images of things wished.

Tell me a story, tell me a rhyme,
it’s like a game of fulfillment. 

There was a time in my life when I would get a phone call at 10pm, throw some shit on and get out.

I’d pile up into the car with a bunch of other people and we’d drive around the city, picking up others, dropping people off, seeing all kinds of cool shit. I explored my entire town. I saw the prettiest lights during christmas, the best coffeeshops to hang out at during winter, the best parks for taking pictures, and abandoned playgrounds where I could climb to my heart’s pleasure. 

I miss those times. Every single one of those people, those fleeting friends are now gone from my life. I’m moved back to that city, I still see the ghetto piercing shop where I almost got my nipples pierced, the tattoo parlor where my friends got their noserings, and the park where we climbed the roofs of pavilions. 

I wonder why it’s so hard to find people like that again or do things like that again.

I used to get home 3 or 4 in the morning, sleep a few hours, hit the gym and go to class just to experience other adventures.

Whenever I browse Tumblr, I find that just about everything’s the same. Same jokes, same quotes, same replies. It’s a congregation of:

• “THIS!”
• “PICTURE REPLY!”
• “I LITERALLY DID THIS WHEN I SAW THIS”
• picture of a show + text on top quoting it
• great movie reference! (no tag or description for you to know where the fuck it came from)

idk man.

Then it’s the same shit over and over and over.

Maybe I’m following the wrong people but I’m getting to a point where I’m LOGGING OUT of tumblr wtf, right?

Waste of Life

I just watched Perks of Being A Wallflower and I connected deeply with it. Every actor’s face resembled one of my friends’ which put me on an interesting train of thought. What HAPPENED to these people? 

They’re gone from my life but that’s really okay, I just wondered. And then I wondered about all the people in our lives. They disappear so easily. Who was that one person so many years ago that I hung out with? No clue. Did they impact my life in a significant way? 

Maybe, maybe not. I’ve met so many significant people that made significant changes to me and yet, I don’t talk to them. They’re gone. And future people? I can’t even see.

I feel like I am completely blind, and alone. And life is taking me for a strange and creepy life. 

The people, though, within my life are very much appreciated. 

Anyways, so I discovered that I am, indeed, disappointed with many things in my life. Thinking of those things lacking, namely people and experiences, put me in a bad mood and remind me so much of certain events and people. Those significant people whose face I can barely remember. 

Sometimes, people stick. Sometimes they really do. You pass them off as people fleeing through the night but then you find yourself fleeing with them. 

Shit.

Wake Me Up

Stirring of a beast, slamming of a drum,
welcome to my morning, welcome to my life.

Paper shredded thoughts, severed limbs
There is beauty within, no?

Missed buses, trains, and cars, falling asleep.
Leaving behind, leaving my life. Goodbye.

Drown me in money, drown me in lies.
Drown me in sorrows and cries.
Drown me, drown me, drown me.

I slam my fist, break metal, fluff pillows.
Break my mind, words slicing my heart.

Wishes and looks, the mirror always lies.
Ridicule my beliefs, strip me of my tries.

Darkness gone to replace searing bright light.
Wake up, wake up.

Wake me in the dessert, wake me to breathe soot.
wake me within a star, wake me within death.
Wake me into another dream.

***

“There is something romantic about killing your body,” I once said, wistfully, “There is something passionate and intriguing about the journey of a drug user.”

From flaming lips to vampire eyes, from blood sprays to closed eyes,
Who are you? Where am I? Sober gone, give me five seconds to breathe.

A child’s cry, I see myself, hurt pained. I see the dark brooding eyes, 
the full lips of lies, the frail arms become hammers, the smile becomes madness.
The lenses reflect only my own torture.

Is this addiction? Is his violence his addiction? A vice never overcome.
Beat me, beat me, wake me into another dream. Kill me. Blame me.
Flay my flesh, cook my words, twist my fingers, rip my fingernails,
touch me softly, bleed me.

This is no place for me.

***

Chaos, droplets falling, gingerly resting on blades of grass,
stranger rides into town, all eyes on him, gone form me, from others.
I’m all gone, drift away, blown away.

Dust. Sand. Water.

A scream vanished in a hurricane. 

***

Wake me up, wake me up, I’m throwing up.
Fuck.

Sometimes there are thoughts in my head, and they never leave.

One day, it was my birthday and I tried to have fun,
sad and lonely, people started to actually come!

In the middle of the night, I stood surprised,
my friend came sneakily as my birthday prize! 

Thoughts on Looper

m-v-b:

I think it was clever that the writer chose to include a line about not over-thinking Time travel (which was clearly for the audience), but as I see it, the actual time travel ‘science’ was handled really well.

I mean, it wasn’t based on any legitimate scientific theories, but as I have said before, it didn’t need to be. They established their own rules and they stuck to them. The explanations given were satisfactory and clever, and consistent, which is rare in Time Travel movies (a sub-genre I’m a big fan of).

The core story and the dilemmas that it presented to the main character/s were absolutely compelling. The acting was great and both Gordon-Levitt and Willis brought their A-Game to it, giving the story a necessary emotional weight. As a viewer I was invested in the character of Joe and as the paths of the two Joes began to separate I found myself conflicted, not knowing which one to root for.

The only real problem (and I use the term ‘problem’ loosely) was the logic of how the act of Time Travel itself was employed in that world. The whole ‘Looping’ concept makes no sense in criminal business terms. I can think of at least a dozen different crimes I could commit with a working time machine at my disposal and every last one of them is better than ‘Looping’.

Actually, if you have access to a time machine and the only criminal use you can come up with for it is ditching people in the past so that they can be killed seconds later (even when the film clearly shows them shooting people to death in the future -anyway- as a major plot point)… then you’re pretty bad at being criminals.

Even if it is a great way to dispose of bodies, why the hell aren’t they sending people right over the top of active volcanoes? I guess maybe the machine only handles time and not space, but if so, why aren’t they doing it on a boat in the middle of shark-infested international waters and dropping them to their briny, toothy deaths, rather than sending good gold and silver back to people and making them responsible for the killing?

Or, shit, if you don’t want them floating up on some shore, or cluttering up the trash vortex, why not shoot them BEFORE putting them in the time machine? At least give them a little gut-shot so that they don’t have the strength to get up and run away.

Also, why bother sending the Loopers their own older selves to kill? Seems like you could save a lot of trouble by palming one future Looper off onto another past Looper and no one would be any the wiser. There are real holes in this operation, is what I’m saying.

Yes, ‘Looping’ is silly, and yes it really wouldn’t make any sense in the real world, but science fiction is always just heavily concealed fantasy. The whole point of fantasy is that it couldn’t exist in the real world.

Looper was great old fashioned sci-fi. It reminded me of the works of John Wyndham, Richard Matheson, or Frederick Pohl (some of my favourite classic sci-fi writers). The ‘Looping’ premise is more about creating a situation than it is building a logical world.

Like many great works of Science Fiction, Looper presents a scenario that could not exist, and exploits our suspension of disbelief to explore the human condition in ways that other genres can’t. I believe the movie pulled this off masterfully. It was an excellent story, and the only way it can be told to us is if we as audience choose to ignore these obvious logical oversights.

I’m not saying you turn your brain off to watch it - you shouldn’t have to feel that way when you’re watching a movie. By all means, figure out what doesn’t make sense about the movie, but don’t let that ruin it for you.

Hell, it’s nowhere near as flawed as Back to the Future, and everyone knows how much I love THAT franchise*.

-MVB

*To an uncomfortable degree…

Didn’t read the whole post but here are some of my own thoughts:

• by sending the people to a specific point in the past where they need to be killed, you ENSURE they die. How can you know that you looped back to a volcano? You can’t. You can’t know that they died or that they won’t pursue you. This way you know
• by sending back the silver&gold (probably much cheaper in the future), you can start building an empire in the past with the knowledge of the future. This ensures more profits in the future. You also do this without expressly manipulating the stock market or anything else which might adversely affect you. 
• by using loopers, you also get more people into the business. The pay off is large enough that you can get A LOT of people in the business on this. The loopers in turn spend their money in your establishment, on your whores, on your drugs. You’ve just created extra cog wheels in your big badass machine. And you’re circulating more money. Not only that, you have extra people you can use.
• By sending a looper to a looper, it’s a last act of breaking someone. It’s like a message “You’re broken” but instead of instilling anger in the looper, it’s treated not only as a good thing but as a “retirement”, you get a ton of gold, you party like it’s 1999, and everyone congratulates you. What’s so good about this? You effectively retire a looper at a good time, you give them their last money (enough to make everything “worth it”), and you ensure good relations. This means that in the future when they run out of cash (which will happen), they’re likely to come back in some form or fashion. Or if not, to live out and die without interfering.

Idk. It seems like they’ve got a good plan :0

camdamage:

my [5 year old] tongue piercings - per brokenmindthoughts curiosity

courtesy crooked teeth and complimentary looks up my nostrils

w00t! I was looking through her tumblr trying to find a good close up picture. Been telling my friends for a while about this hot girl with the double tongue piercing. 

So yeah, this is what i want to get done :)